Saturday, August 22, 2009

I am a Free stuff addict, and I’m not ashamed to admit it!

I LOVE FREE STUFF… I stayed overnight at a Game Reserve recently with clients and the room was FILLED with free stuff. You know the crappy little shampoos, soaps, shower gels, hell – even the coffee sachets. I cannot get enough of them… I am a free stuff saddo.

Check out my stash:

Shampoo, Shower Gel, Body Lotions….

4 x gorgeous little triangle shaped parmalat milk sachets, which i forgot to take a photo of :(

3 x BabyBel Cheeses which I ‘borrowed’ from the breakfast buffet

( when I was nicking these, the girl next to me was shuving small plastic pots of marmalade into her coat pocket, so I didn’t feel too bad – I am not alone! )

Random coffee/tea/hot choc sachets…

Lovely Lindt Chocolate..

Ok, the chocolate was a gift from the hotel, but I did have those gorgeous, fluffy, elephant-shaped towels in my bag at one point – until my conscience got the better of me and I very honestly hung them back on the towel rail.

Before I leave the hotel room I sweep around like a human vacuum cleaner stashing everything into my big overnight bag, while looking over my shoulder for people on the lookout – like a guilty convict.

And its not just hotel rooms either… On Thursday I was in the Winelands on a tour and I bought a bottle of yummy port. As I was paying, Dave came over and said – “Hey, do you know you can get 3 bottles of that for the price of 2 on special over there in those boxes?” Well – that was it. I high-jumped over the barrels in the cellar and grabbed a box of 3 precious ports and bought those instead. Just because I knew I was getting one for free.

Magazines? Don’t even get me started – free lipstick, free bag, free animal print size 8 slippers, free stick-on tattoo’s – I don’t care what the magazine is or how much it costs – I HAVE to have it.

I think I’m worst at those exhibitions though. You know the ones – Women’s Expo, Baby Expo, Design Expo – as soon as they shuve that free paper carrier bag into my hand at the entrance there is NO stopping me. I run around every stall grabbing free sachets, samples and pretend to act interested in what the poor sales girl has to say – all so I can retrieve the free stuff from her…

And you know what ??? I don’t even use all this free stuff – most of it is all shuved in a drawer collecting dust – but that’s just not the point is it?


Keep Smiling,


Kez xxx

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Can you keep a Secret?

So, I’ve just read a really funny book by Sophie Kinsella, entitled: Can You Keep a Secret?

Basically this woman spills all of her funniest girlie secrets out to this guy sitting next to her on a plane, and then she meets up with him in a surprising situation and he subtly drops out all of her dirty dark secrets, such as : ‘I hate wearing g-strings, they are really uncomfortable’ ; ‘ I secretly water my b*tch colleagues spider plant with orange juice and she can’t understand why it doesn’t grow’; ‘ I told my boyfriend I’m a size 8, when actually I’m a 12, so I have to squash into all of the tiny uncomfortable underwear he buys me’ blah blah blah... I won’t tell you the rest, otherwise it spoils the book. Its really funny - READ IT!

But it made me realize how we all have these funny little secrets & habits, so here goes! I will share some of mine with you……get comfortable, this could be good for a laugh:

1) I hate wearing colours. My wardrobe consists of black, brown, grey, some more black, maybe a splash of white or blue, some more black.. and that’s it. I feel stupid in colours, like I’m drawing attention to myself and I cant stand it. Plus, BIG plus, Black makes you thinner. Seriously.

2) I always read the back of the sugar packets in coffee shops. Did you know they have little sayings on them!? Like: If you can dream it, you can achieve it. And stuff. I pick the best one, or the one I think applies to me that day and only use that one in my coffee. Yesterdays one said: “Outside noisy, inside empty“– Chinese proverb . That’s so true don’t you think? People that are noisy on the outside are often empty on the inside. I can be like that sometimes, if I’m feeling really crap or nervous, then I over-compensate by being really loud or blabbing about the STUPIDEST stuff and the inner me is screaming: SHUT UP KERRY, JUST SHUT UP!!

3) I once stole a bottle of wine from my Dad’s room and then spent 3 hours running round every bottle store trying to replace it. So, I was desperate and downed his bottle of Robertson Cabernet 2005. Do you think I could find the same bottle ANYWHERE?? Noooo… 2006 – yes! 2007 – yes! 2008 – yes! 2005 – no ways….. Great. Now what?!! After spending literally 3 hours running round every bottle store in town and with only 15 minutes to spare until he came home, I decided to go for the 2006 bottle and carefully put it back, hoping and praying like hell he wouldn’t notice when he walked in. He didn’t notice. And he never found out. Oh, and if I’d known it was that expensive, I would never have stolen it in the first place, just for the record.

4) Sometimes I feed my kids beans on toast and tell them its ultra-healthy as it contains 4 essential food groups:

Beans – Beans & Lentils group – oh cr*p, I cant think what its called. Legumes??

Bread – Carbohydrates

Butter – Fats

Cheese – Protein

And most times I chuck them an apple to include the fruit & veg group. And the worst part? I don’t have a guilty conscience doing it…. Such a bad mom.

5) On very rare occasions when I see some-one I don’t want to talk to in the shops, I flip my phone open and natter away to nobody, just so I don’t have to talk to them…. Ok, that’s a bad one. But you know when you just feel so terrible, everything’s going wrong that day and you cant remember if you even brushed your teeth that morning? Ok – you definitely never brushed your teeth.. AND you’re wearing your jeans that your baby puked on 3 days ago. In the distance you spot your funky, single, childless friend from school, ultra-thin, ultra-gorgeous, ultra-manicured, ultra-not stressed and you just think – sh*t I CANNOT talk to this person?? That’s when I use the ‘flip up phone and talk to no-one technique!’

6) If I’m sad I blast out SAD SAD songs, sing loudly and badly along to the lyrics, chunk my heart out, do the really ugly cry, and usually feel so much better afterwards!

7) This one is pretty embarrassing and I think I’ve mentioned this before, but whenever I eat something REALLY yummy, I have to say ‘delicious’ after I’ve eaten it. Even in company – I’ll cough it under my breath…its so embarrassing.

8) I never ever have n*okie with my socks on. Never. Its just gross.

9) I make loads of lists and hardly accomplish anything on them, or feel better for making the practical list, then promptly close the book and never look at the list again. This could be why I never seem to finish anything…hmmm…..

10) I really really really want to bungy jump.. We have the highest jump in the world here (216m!) and I really want to do it, BUT I’m so scared I will lose my feet. Yes, my feet. I have a fear they will just snap off and be left in the loops on the bungy cord while I go crashing into the river below – footless.

Ok, I think 10 is enough for one day.. Leave a comment with one of your dirty secrets, just one will do, and I will compile them all for a laugh – anonymously of course!!

Keep Smiling,


Kez xx

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Simple Pimple

So, Im sitting on the toilet just before dinner trying to have a private number 1 - ha ha, with 3 kids - i dont think so! and this is the conversation that followed.............

Shanah (she's 3 remember): Mommeee - why you got hairs there?
Me: Baby - all big girls have hairs there when you are grown up. one day when you are big, you will have it too!
Shanah: Oh Cool!! I'm just going to fetch my glue so I can cut these hairs off my head and glue it on for me. Yay mommy! (skips off to fetch glue and scissors..)

.............. I take it my gender lesson didnt turn out exactly as I hoped??!!!


me xxx

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Blog inspiration

So, I have been reading loads and loads of blogs lately.

Two of my fave mommy blog's: A home-schooling mom of SEVEN in Fish-Hoek. Gotta love this woman - she seems amazing..

I spotted her house and am so tempted to just knock on her door and hug this woman, although she would probably think i was just a nutty stalker person, so best i not do that! :)

The second one is - in an ideal, realistic world, I would love to live like this family lives in Portland, Maine. If you are looking for peace in your crazy family - read this blog - totally inspiring.

The purpose of this post is really to update you all, so here goes!

We've been doing a lot of karaoke!

Go Dave!

Go Girls!

We have been laughing with friends - especially over how to pronounce GERANIUM

We ran lots of races at sports day!

We drank some bubbles

We chilled

We went to the beach

We made the kids laugh by posing in front of this mural

We started school

We took people on tour

We went to a party

We went bike riding

We scratched and patched in the Scratch Patch!

We 'guper-flied' like GuperMan!

and a whole lot more! Shew - only now do i realize how much we have actually done! Girls - I dont want to hear the words : " But Momma I'm bored-a!" (anyway, why is it that my kids put an 'ah' on the end of every word?? Momm-ah , No-ah, Niamh-ah, Yes - ah? Emphasis or Irritation?)

Keep Smiling,
Kez xx

Thursday, January 29, 2009

My fabulous sister

So, my sister has moved to the BUSH... as in Katberg, as in the middle of NO where...

I just got this email from her - Taide (her precious 3 year old son) has his first day in 'Bush School' today aka normal pre-primary school.

This is the email - excuse the swearing - that's Meg for ya, should also be read in an Afrikaans accent if you can.

"hi guys

so taide went to school today for the first time....aaaahhhh! they put him in the baby class for a start and his teacher is this 3 eyed, cauliflower eared 4 legged MONSTER! she is a spas...

so i dropped him at school and his freak teacher says: Hallo boyjie, end wut is yourrrrr name??? she didnt even know his name...then when i fetched him, she looked at me as if she had never met me and said: hallo, cen I yelp you luf? i was like: YA!!! I dropped my blady kid off this morning with you.

Spas Teacher says: oh, wuts he's name?
Meg says: LISTEN , where the f**** is my kid....
Spas Teacher: I fink he is somewhere here?
Meg: Well he should be, this is where I left him.....
Meg walks outside and spots Taide ( the unknown new kid) trying to open the gate onto the road..

Meg goes red!! And just before Meg tells Spas Teacher where to get her face fixed, Spas Teacher says: Oh he carrrnt open it!!
Meg: You will be surprised!!! He can open a tin of tuna with his f***** teeth....i think he can open a gate....

So off to montesori we go!

Love ya


Gotta love her.

Keep Smiling,
Kez x

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Shock,Horror!! Is that a post??

So in the last 3 months, this is whats happened:

1) I have moved house... and am about to again
2) I have moved office... twice

3) I am now a single mom

4) I have lost weight - lots of it :)

5) I have a new company -

6) 2 of my girls have changed schools

7) I have a dog - who may have a blind eye..

8) My pregnant cat was killed by a speeding car

9) I have learnt who my real friends are

10) I miss the friends I lost - so much

11) I have a new plan - and its exciting but scary :)

Just a few pics to update you all..

Shanah Bugs
Niamh in her school play at the front in the pink chinese suit, bowing to the Queen :)

Cheeky Tayla

Meg,Mike n me @ Megs Anniversary dinner

So much has happened, but i'm not going to post it online. My friends know the story and I'm not going to use my blog as a site for an E-WAR, so I'll leave it at that :)

Welcome Back..


me xxx

Monday, August 25, 2008

I can fart through my Belly Button!

Ok, not ME personally, before you all delete me as your Facebook friend…
On Friday, I had the pleasure of transporting 5 x 8 year olds to the Planetarium for a school outing.

You know what the general 8 year old stage is like – all teeth, feet and dorkiness? Well, try having 5 of those on the back seat for an hour and a half… I guarantee you will need a shot of something strong by the time you get home.

The trip there was relatively incident free, all of them insisted on singing a different song, at the same time, at the tops of their voices – but I was happy, it allowed me to go into ‘Driver Day Dream’ mode while they entertained themselves. We got cool parking ( cool people get cool parking, as my mom always says ) and off they trotted to watch Davey Dragon save the planets while Mommy and Debbie plonked themselves in the Trendy Che Bar in Long Street.

After 2 hours, and way too many cappuccino’s, we buzzed back to the Planetarium to pick up the sprogs, and this is where the fun begins…

‘Right Troops, put your lunches in the boot, and jump in the car’


All a millisecond apart… Ok, I am a fair, controlled mother – ha ha – whatever, my mind is frantically thinking – Which kid deserves to sit on the front seat??

‘Ok, Kid 1 – you sat in the front on the way here, so you’re out. Kid 2 – you are my kid and you should let your friends have a chance blah blah blah.’

This still leaves me with 3, sweaty, irritated, Cheese Curl covered sprogs to fight with.

‘Right, lets Paper, Rock, Scissors it then. You three, when I say go, CHING CHONG CHA!’

1,2,3 - GO!

All rock.

Ok, again!

All paper.

Ok, one last time – GO!

All scissors.

Not working..

By this time I’m Sweaty, irritated and also covered in Cheese Curls and just grab the biggest kid and stick him in the front – my practical mind telling me there will be more space for the others on the back seat.

Minute by minute the noise is getting louder and louder, and they are getting sillier and sillier… About halfway home, my child gets the giggles. Like, the real giggles.. She is sat on someone else’s lap and has just farted. The boy next to her is saying, Oh gross, you are so GROSS!! She laughs so much that by now she is farting uncontrollably, I am trying to be the ‘mom’ and reprimand her for not having any manners, but by now I’ve got the giggles too. After a couple of minutes of near hysteria, silence fills the car for about 30 seconds. Then a small, sweet, very ladylike voice pipes up from behind me: “Miss, that’s nothing – I can fart through my Belly Button” ……….. ‘Really Sweetheart? Wow, that’s amazing, what a clever party trick!’ ( I know you’re all going to try it now… )

The boy on the front seat is now SO glad I chose him to sit up front, and told me a loooong in-depth, detailed conversation about how he speaks 3 languages fluently because his dad is Turkish, his mom is Afrikaans, and his Granny is English.

Front Seat Boy: “ So, because I can speak 3 languages my dad is taking me overseas next week so show me off to my uncle in Turkey who rides a Harley Davidson, EXACTLY like the one in front of us now, but sometimes he drives a truck EXACTLY like the one on the left of us now, and then sometimes he…….BLECH”

Me: “ Erm, Sorreee - did you just puke in my car??????”

Front Seat Boy: (very garbled and muffled) “Yesh,sorry,I caught mosht of it in my tie sho don’t worry, I’ll jusht shpit the rest out the window – Bleeeccchpppuuuke”

Now I have 3-language-Front-Seat-Boys sick all down the side of my newly polished car.

That’s it. I have DONE my good mom deed for the year, so I put my foot flat and raced back to school at break neck speed.

Very Calm-In-Control-Non-Driving-Teacher: “ Oh Kerry, Thank You SOOO much for taking lifts today !”

Oh think nothing of it darlin, it was an absolute vriggin PLEASURE. But I think I will be very conveniently ILL for the trip to the Science Centre next term.

Keep Smiling,
Me xxx